Almost everything we do in life is governed by this ability. I'm not just talking about our conscious decisions, but the seemingly trivial things as well.
The presence of this ability in our conscious decisions is obvious. What should I eat for lunch today? Hmm, I feel like Western (a preference)... but I just ate some fried food yesterday and I need to stay healthy ( a preference).. I think I will eat YTF today (a preference (e.g.why not porridge? or bread?) ).
How about the less conscious decisions - the things that have became routine? Why do you take the train to school and not the bus? Oh, because trains come more consistently than buses (preference for regularity)
In the morning, why do you brush your teeth before eating instead of eating then brushing your teeth? (The latter is not as outrageous as you think - many Western cultures do that) Preference.
And then there are the things that we also do without realizing that preferences played a part.
When we are getting from point A to point B, and an obstacle is right smack in the middle and we have to go around it - do we take the left or the right path around it? Why? You clearly had some preference towards one side. Maybe the lighting was better. Maybe the floor looked cleaner. SOMETHING led to your choice of the path you took.
It is clear that having preferences is extremely important to daily functioning. If you couldn't decide how to get around a piece of litter on the floor, you'll be stuck on the spot forever - akin to Buridan's donkey!
After some thought, I realize that I have this unfortunate impairment of my ability to form preferences.
Before elaborating on that, I want to say that I am generally an apathetic person. I have to make the conscious effort to get involved in things that matter to the world, things that I SHOULD show some sort of interest in but have none.
One simple example was the General Elections (or even Presidential Elections). The whole country was abuzz with political debate, but my innate nature made me think 'Frankly, I don't give a damn!'
Of course, being the developed, normal-functioning adult I am, I consciously made an effort to at least read up abit and keep up to date with what was happening in the GE and tried to form preferences based on relevant available information.
I care, just to fit in socially.
This is not to say I am unfeeling or have no sympathy. I do care for people close to me. I do help the old lady across the road. I do give up my seat on MRTs (not just to fit in socially). But just in a majority of other situations, I don't really care.
Digression aside, back to my particular handicap. I can't form preferences easily. Or at all, sometimes.
1) Gift selection
The simplest example that really bugs me is that I am REALLY bad at getting presents for people's birthday. It's like, I have the desire of getting someone a present, but I epicly fail in the 'present-selection' part of the 'getting someone a present' process.
Schematic DiagramHow do you even know what someone wants? Or what to get? What if they don't like it? I have difficulty buying things for MYSELF, much less buying things for others.
Desire of getting someone a present -> present selection -> locating said present (i.e. shopping) / preparing said present -> delivery of present
(sorry, just studied Cog Psych and they love using schematics to represent things)
(I did want to get you a present, friend C! ohnoes. But didn't know what to get. :( )
When I tell friends of this problem they'll give me the generic advice 'Oh just get him/her something useful and you think he'll like!' or even 'Don't worry, it's the thought that counts!'
For the first line of advice, my impairment prevents me from coming up with any solid ideas, and for the latter piece of advice.. well now you know that I always DO have the thought. (Well, if you're close enough to me, that is)
And money is clearly not an issue which can be shown in cases where I attend a friend's party or something with several others and we decide to share a present. When they ask me what my budget is, I always respond with something along the lines of 'No real budget la.. just not too ex?'. I just need someone to formulate the precise item to get for me, and I will get it (Obvious exceptions exist, such as if it IS expensive and I can't afford it)
2) Job selection
This is something that is weighing subtly on my mind.
What this paradoxical statement means is that I know I should be worrying about it, and I do, almost at the sub-conscious level, but I don't consciously think about it and worry about it. But it's persistently there.
What exactly it is is this - I'm currently going through my undergraduate studies to get a degree in Social Sciences, with a major in Psychology. What is the natural job path for this? NOTHING.
I don't think I want to be a counselling Psychologist, and anyway that requires another 6 years of education (Masters + PHD... ok maybe 4? No idea)
That's about the only clearcut job that a Psychology major can do.
There's also the I/O (industrial/organizational) aspect that sounded interesting to me for a bit (i.e. working in HR), but after some asking around, I realized you need to have a solid business background to do it (probably a MBA) or at least a double major in some Business aspect.
Specifically, I don't have a particular field or job role that I WANT to work as.
I look around me at the people who know what they want to be. bestie wants to work in some town planning or urban development field. Or something like that. candice wants to be some fashion mag editor or something. (sorry my memory is bad) And recently qin has pursued her passion of writing in her internship at SPH and I'm really glad for her, hope it pans out! (though the gf seems to be in the same boat and as clueless as me... the plight of Psych majors!) (or maybe she has something thought out and I just haven't asked her about it recently)
Me? I don't have this 'thing' that I want to do. I don't even have a clear field that I have a preference to. What am I going to do when I graduate?
(Extremely random note - I'm writing this in school at the computer lab, and an angmoh girl (An exchange student, I presume) has difficulties getting her printing done and is asking the nice guy next to her. She disturbs him at least 2-3 times with a short query, and each time the guy helps her with a response, she does not thank him in anyway! How impolite! She just goes 'oh.'
If she asks me something I'm going to ask her to hit Ctrl Alt Delete)
This handicap affects me in many other ways. Something as simple as choosing what to eat can be a complicated dilemma. What to wear? Even worst.
How do I treat this handicap? How do I develop an ability to form preferences?
Hmm, I'm thinking whether I should come up with a witty ending to this post. I can't decide.
